Amnesiac Nun Dream

Discussion last night at the weekly pagan-earth centered group I participate in centered around shamanism. One side topic that briefly came up was my highly integrated mish-moshed ancestry. I had said that until recently -- past few years -- I felt like a crazy pin ball, bouncing around. Am I Native American? Do I embrace the Roman Catholic, Latino side of my family? How about the Russian Jewish side? Then there's the Spanish, and the Celtic. Don't forget about the Buddhist side, or the 32nd degree Masonic side. And that's all just going back three generations. (Great grandparents on down.)

To top it off, there's a very huge elephant in the room concerning blood ancestry, and so, aside from the Scottish/English lineage (on both sides) is the (maybe) Irish side. But no one's talking. There's also a Japanese blood line in my family. And by extension, Korean.

As one person said, and it was supported by the "vision" of another, I "...worked very very hard to choose the parents and family I came to in order to get all these connections." That resonated with me and made quite a bit of sense.

source: Wikipedia nun, Ireland, 1964

So all this energy -past life- present life path stuff was swimming in my head. Last night I had this dream:

One of my recurring dreamscapes. This one is what is labeled "downtown" or "East L.A." in my dream, but it isn't really. It's my own dreamscape; a large boulevard, busy with traffic, pedestrians, lots of theaters and shops and restaurants. It's considered the "poor" section and sort of the "end" of town/dream place, but it doesn't seem that way. I'm a little nervous every time I'm here; I'm in the minority for one thing. A woman, white, alone. But no one really cares. It's slightly hilly here, and while the boulevard is very big and bright and busy, just across the way are residential streets; lots of homes. Hills in the distance.

So I'm roaming around here, a little lost, as I always am when in this place. Not too familiar with the location. This time, I'm a nun. Completely outfitted in a black and white habit. I know I'm a nun, but I also seem to have some kind of amnesia. I don't know where I "work" or what my name is. I don't know why I'm a nun, or how it all works. I just know I am. I'm okay with being a nun and feel sure of what that's all about, even though I don't know the name of my order, or even if I belong to one. 

I'm aware of the looks I'm getting; people are fine with me being a nun but they assume I won't "get" things. That I won't enjoy the Klezmer musicians and their fantastic music as I walk by them playing in a storefront. That I won't think the slightly off color jokes passengers tell on the bus are funny. Etc.

I'm on this bus, and a little worried, because really, I have no idea where I'm supposed to go, let alone know how to get there. Hell, let alone know who I am!

But while I'm lost and am not sure of who I am, I seem to be all right, considering. I am very sure of my "nun-ness" even though I'm not sure if my idea is what other nuns might think. I assume there are other nuns -- as I say, I just find myself here and without an order, without a name for that order, or even if there is an order. I'm a sort of lone nun.

Interesting dream in context: Years ago, a group of us were using the Ouija board. I managed to tick everyone off not because I didn't believe we were getting real messages, but because I doubted the honesty of those messages. No, I wasn't debunking the experience but rather, questioning the energies that were coming through. However, some things did come through that seemed to be more honest than other things. One was the "message", as were discussing past lives, that in one of my former lives I was a nun. This was in the late 1800s in the U.S. west. I was not just any nun, but one thrown out of her order -- or possibly left. I was on my own, still a nun, but more a friend of the "ladies of the night" than any town preacher.

“An onna-bugeisha (女武芸者?) was a female warrior. Members of the samurai class in feudal Japan, they were trained in the use of weapons to protect their household, family, and honor in times of war.”

- Wikipedia

There's also my Catholic background; growing up in a Jewish-Buddhist household, as a Catholic, and constantly causing scandal by my questions ending in my refusal to stand up and take the pledge during confirmation.